This is part of the picture book project. I need to read all of these books. Or I get to read all of these books. Or something like that. I want to become better acquainted with picture books both new and old, and help our school library assistants to pick good ones for their libraries. As you can see, I am starting mostly with the brand new, but soon enough I’ll be hitting the classics and the back catalogs as well. (I’ve long had an unfulfilled goal to read the complete works of Dr. Suess; I wish they had an omnibus edition like a complete Shakespeare.) Wish me luck, and give me suggestions.
By both popular and regal demand, I have returned this picture to its proper station and title, using the term “fancypants” rather than the vilely vernacular “Bossin’.” I have also exalted this posting with a more auspicious date, it now being placed on the day on which is memorialized the insurrection of the American colonies, whose patriotic colors the plaid of the lordly pantaloons so represent.
P.S. I really wanted to spell “Fancypantz” with a “Z.” There, I did it. Fancypantz Fitz.
It comes with an emergency ejection system, parachute, rocket pack, regenerative environmental control and life support system (for extended space travel), and an iPod dock: pretty much everything he will need if our planet Crypton is ever destroyed. Unfortunately, it doesn’t breastfeed or change diapers.
I have to confess that this cute red bear suit with its criss-cross pattern has always secretly reminded me of Radiohead’s bear icon (courtesy of their longtime album art collaborator Stanley Donwood, I think.)
They won’t let you give tattoos or piercings in the hospital, so we had to settle for this hardcore boy bow. Made out of blue and clear plastic LEGO Technic parts and stabbed right into his skull with a needle, this is a bow a little tough guy can be proud to wear in his hair. We wanted them to safety pin it into his skin, but we had to settle for tape. Still, it looks rather good with neo-natal faux-hawk.
Turns out that it also doubles as an intravenous access device for the administering of medications, making it an extremely useful newborn accessory.
The Froz-T-Freez staff is growing! We are currenly on-site at the Intermountain Medical Center, recruiting and training our newest member. Due to contractual restrictions, we cannot yet reveal his or her identity. However, I am prepared to admit that he is but a young, little lad.
For some time I’ve been debating whether to write about or show images of my new child publicly on the Internet. I know a lot of other people publicly post photos and anecdotes of their children, including numerous of my own relatives and friends, and I don’t know that there is anything wrong with it. At the same time, I am very cognizant of the fact that he currently has no say on whether I make any and every facet of his young life public or not, and yet it will potentially remain available and accessible for his entire life. Fourth grade bullies, potential employers, and future authoritarian dictators alike will all potentially be able to judge him not only on his own thoughts and merits but also by what I may write about his potty training experiences.
And yet, at not quite a week into this whole parenthood thing, I already have the urge to share some things. So, inspired by some comments I heard once from an unremembered celebrity guest on a talk show, I have arrived at a compromise. (Indeed, I make most of my major life decisions based on advice from celebrities on talk shows, so this one should be no exception.) This is the compromise I offer to the world:
I shall at times mention or write about my child in the text of this website, which does indeed constitute a public forum, with the following exemptions:
- I will not be sharing his true name, but shall create a pseudonym for him.
- I will not show pictures of his face.
The picture part will be the hardest to remain true to, because he’s a cute little baby, but it will also be a fun challenge.
So, without further ado, I present to the world the name of Roosevelt FitzWallace, affectionately referred to as Fitz, and perhaps occasionally as Little Lord Fitz.